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I Swear I Won’t Effing Swear

December 31, 2012 |

Last year, I spent New Year’s Eve on a beach at a bonfire on Turks & Caicos. Life was good. So my resolution was to swear less. Seemed reasonable – I was soooo relaxed. But, once landing back in Newark, the real world, traffic included, reawakened my inner trucker and that resolution was lost in a matter of days.  I wonder what I will resolve to do in 2013…

Everyone knows the top New Year’s resolutions—lose weight, eat better, stop smoking, be kinder, be more patient—that’s old news. But, what are the craziest resolutions ever made? Let’s see what the interwebs had to say:

  • I will not bore my boss by with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some more excuses.
  • Assure my lawyer that I will never again show up drunk at a custody hearing.
  • I will think of a password other than “password.”
  • I will not tell the same story at every get together.
  • I will not ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number.
  • I will stop drinking orange juice after I just brushed my teeth.
  • I will keep it to myself that I have trouble with authority when I’m being interviewed.
  • I will claim all my pets as dependents on my taxes.
  • I will spend less than $1825 for coffee at Starbucks this year.
  • I will talk with a robot voice all the time.

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